pet products
We’re not talking about just clothes — we’ve all seen those around — but rather things like fake testicles, perfume, and sex toys for dogs that prove people have too much time and money on their hands. Don’t believe me? Check out these 30 certifiably insane pet products.

30 Totally Insane Pet Products

We know that people love their pets, and rightfully so. They’re loyal, they’re kind, and they won’t tag you in random pictures on Facebook. But sometimes that love gets taken a little bit too far and veers over into the realm of a little bit crazy.

 

The Pet High Chair

They claim that “By providing an alternative to sitting on your lap, running disruptively underfoot, or outright banishment, the chair assuages a pet (and its owner’s) frustration, and promotes more refined behavior.” Or you could just let your pet be a pet for the 20 minutes that you’re eating.

pet products
We’re not talking about just clothes — we’ve all seen those around — but rather things like fake testicles, perfume, and sex toys for dogs that prove people have too much time and money on their hands. Don’t believe me? Check out these 30 certifiably insane pet products.

highchair

Via: Hammacher Schlemmer

Bubbletastic Bacon Bubble Blower

Dogs like bacon. Dogs like chasing bubbles. Dogs do not like being teased into thinking that the bubbles that taste like bacon are actually bubbles and not bacon.

baconbubble

Image: Amazon

CATable

Considering cats will walk across whatever surface it is you’re trying to work on anyway, I suppose if you have $5,000 to blow, this could be a preventative measure. This table features a series of openings and tunnels that have been carved out by hand to create spaces for a cat to satisfy its curiosity and allow pet owners to share their work space with a feline friend. Good luck with that.

catable

Via: Dezeen

Sexy Beast Dog Perfume

If you think your dog has anxiety (what with all the other dogs sniffing their hind ends and the fact they eat rabbit poop out in the yard) then this $70 bottle unisex perfume with a mix of natural patchouli, mandarin, and nutmeg oils is just for you. One of the craziest pet products we have ever seen

sexybeast

Via: Natural Pets

Nightstand Litter Box

In theory, this nightstand stylishly hides the litter box that you keep in your bedroom for some unknown reason. Instead of having to look at said litter box, now you only have to smell what’s inside — right next to your bed — and listen to your cat bury its poop at 2 a.m.

nightstandlitterbox

Image: MSN

Rear Gear Butthole Covers

This is the quickest way to ruin a) a love of stickers and b) a nice walk in the park with your dog. This does nothing in a practical sense other than covering up the hole in the rear end of your pet and causing all those around you to assume — correctly so — that you’re insane.

buttcover

Via: Rear Gear

Purr Detector Collar

This collar is for people who want to know if their cat is purring without actually listening to the cat, touching the cat, or being close to the cat at all. In other words, totally practical.

purrdetector

Image: Paw Nation

Dog House Sofa

Try as you might with this creation, you know they’re just going to jump on the couch the second that you turn your back.

doghousesofa

Image: Bored Panda

The Cat Stroller

Because there’s nothing cats like more than being confined in tiny spaces outside where they can’t go chase bugs or climb a tree.

catstroller

Via: Doctors Foster and Smith

The PooTrap

So, instead of bending down to the ground to pick up the poop with a plastic bag, you can bend down six inches less to pick up the poop-filled plastic bag you attached to the back of your dog. Lazy much?

pooptrap

Via: The PooTrap

A Master Suite

Not only can your cat sleep in a fancy bed, but they can also keep their catnip secure in the side drawers that come along with this set-up. Clearly, this is the ultimate in kitty luxury.

bedwithshelves

Image: The Meta Picture

Hot Doll Sex Toy

As if this concept wasn’t creepy enough, you should know that there is a hole in the back and that the company states “this can also be used as décor in houses without pets as well.”

sextoy

Via: Cool Pet Products

Cat Beret

Bonjour, mon ami! Little do you know, but I am quietly plotting my revenge!

beret

Image: Metro

Burger Pillow

If your cat likes hiding out — or you just want somewhere to bury your own head, I suppose — then the burger pillow is just the thing for you. I mean, your cat. one of those pointless pet products you must have

burgerbed

Via: Amazon Japan

Pet Peek Fence Window

A picture is worth 1,000 words, and this dog is saying, “Why am I looking through a bubble at the other side of a fence that I can’t go over and pee on?” We’re wondering the same thing, Fido.

petpeek

Image: Pet Peek

Radiator Cat Bed

I have to say, if they made these big enough for humans, I might give it a shot.

radiatorbed

Via: Amazon

Pet Jewelry

And in another sign of the apocalypse, stuff like this exists. All I can think of is that there are millions of animals who would love a warm home and food while Pepe le Poodle is wandering around with Swarovski crystal hair clips and Tiffany necklaces.

jewelry

Image: Dog Notebook

Croc Cat Bed

Yes, it’s practical because cats like beds. But it’s also a giant Croc, pretty much the only thing more horrifying than a regular-sized Croc.

crocbed

Via: Huffington Post

Neuticles

Yup. Testicular implants for neutered pets that don’t even know that they’re neutered. They claim to “help dogs who’ve been neutered maintain the same confidence they had before the procedure by replacing the removed testicles with silicone ones.” I think they should replace the dog’s owner with someone less neurotic and we can all move on with our lives.

neuticles

Via: Neuticles

Overhead Playground

Can you imagine walking into someone’s house for the first time and seeing this? Just slowly back away…

overheadplayground

Via: Goldtaze

The Doggone Dog Thong

This is a thong. For dogs. But apparently it’s also functional in that it’s made of a charcoal cloth that is designed to neutralize any of your dog’s anally-emitted odors. In other words, it’s a magical diaper that captures dog farts and transforms them into non-hazardous air again. Genius!

thong

Via: Dog Notebook

Cat Tunnel Sofa

All I can say is that there is enough trouble keeping a normal sofa clean from cat hair, hairballs and other digestive “surprises” that may arise. I have to imagine that peeking into those tunnels could be a rather unpleasant task at times.

tunnelsofa

Image: Bored Panda

The Turd Burglar

Claiming to be “fun for the whole family,” this thing is a small scoop that when placed over a hockey stick, allows you to fling piles of pet crap at anyone or anything. It also says it’s a “safe way to play with poop (rubber practice/safety poop), in your own yard, with the whole neighborhood just like the good old days.” I don’t want to live by these people.

turdburglar

Via: The Turd Burglar

Piped Blazer

For the small price of just $69, you can ensure that your cat will a) hate you forever and b) never be underdressed when meeting the boys at the country club.

suit

Via: Style Bistro

Puppoose Dog Sling Carrier

Do you consider your pet more of an accessory than a companion? Well, then you should know that pet purses are so 2014. This contraption will allow you to sling them around with you while you also lose their respect in the most fashionable way possible.

sling

Image: Dog Notebook

Crooning for Cats

Teyus Music, created by musician David Teie, has made a series of songs made specifically for the enjoyment of cats. Based on cats’ physiological traits and instincts, each song is designed to convey a particular mood and feeling for the feline listener — a “meow” mix, of sorts.

kittyditties

Image: Jokeroo

Pawlish

On the plus side, this product is safe for animals. On the negative side, this product exists and people actually use it.

pawlish

Image: Gadget Pics

The Bow-Lingual

Apparently The Bow-Lingual Dog Translator analyzes your dog’s barks to determine which emotions the pooch is feeling: happy, sad, frustrated, etc. It then provides a written phrase that represents what your dog might say if only it could speak, like, “What is wrong with you that you spent your money on this thing?”

BOW-LINGUAL-DOG-TRANSLATOR

Image: DPlus Mag

The Meow-Lingual

And lest you think you’re out of luck in wondering what your cat is thinking, Takara Tomy — creator of the Bow Lingual — has you covered on that front as well. Now you no longer have to wonder if your cat is plotting your demise, as this will translate those purrs and hisses into the sound of wasted money.

meowlingual

Image: Inventor Spot

The Goldfish Walker

And just so you don’t think we’re discriminating against animals that live in the water, you’ll be pleased (and then confused) to know this exists. It’s exactly what it looks like — a dude wanted to take his goldfish “for walkies in the park or for a trip to the pub.” I’ll just leave it at that.

goldfish

Via: Metro

At least the fish isn’t wearing a diamond tiara…yet. I can’t even imagine what these humans are wearing.

 

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Sourced from twentytwowords.com